I have been listening to June Hunt on talk radio & online (1100 a.m. Hope for the Heart.com) non-stop lately, among other podcasts. It's like free counseling. I am soaking up, and trying to learn, as much as I possibly can. Not just learn, but know. Know HIM. Eternal life is knowing God- John 17:3. I know what season I am in. It is clear to me. I don't take that lightly or for granted. Thank you Abba Father for Your clarity and vision and deep peace. Even when the wind and waves and storms rage, oh and they 'tidal wave rage' but His deep peace and knowing, promises, Proverbs 3:5-6 style, anchoring me. He alone is my anchor, holding me fast through the season. I cannot get enough of Him and yet sometimes all the things He is revealing and healing is overwhelming. But HE is SO GOOD and SO faithful! He is my joy and freedom. God knows exactly what I need to hear when I need to hear it. Sometimes I want human comfort...okay a lot of the time I want that. And He gives me that when I least expect it mostly-- but not always when I want it. Actually a lot of times when I want it the most, I don't get it for a while until I get it all from HIM first. But He is teaching me, especially in this Lent season, how to truly rely on HIM in such a new and beautiful, deeply intimate way. He is also teaching me about healthy boundaries with others and how to put HIM first and what it looks like to be a GOD-pleaser. Very counterintuitive for this self-profressed recovering people-pleaser. I nailed that to the cross, and continue to by His grace and Spirit's power each day. God has broken the chains. I am no longer a victim.
His Holy Spirit is my sweet, sweet comforter. God is the One who knows me more than anyone ever could, and loves me best and carries my every burden. And yet, then I look to humans again, try to find my worth / identity in the wrong places, and get the sting of disappointment, heart-ache...etc. and realize once more the tough lesson of "hope deferred makes the heart sick." And He gently, lovingly reminds me again "Malorie, I am your all and all. Look to me. Turn to me. Let me love you. Show you your roots and true worth-- deeply grounded in love, in Christ. Let me nourish You. Fill You. Comfort. Advocate. No you don't need to defend for yourself anymore, those are the old patters, old ways. Oh yes, let Me assure you. This assurance will never run dry, empty or out. It is not fleeting like the human kind and cannot be taken away or changed by fickle feelings or fleshy selfish desires. No daughter, my perfect love casts out all fear, and I am for you, never against. To Me you are perfect and complete-- whole and lovely in every way. I delight in you. I am the Lover of Your Soul my darling. I adore you. Beloved." Ahh yes. This relationship is the utmost important relationship of my life. This assurance will not run dry. It is a lasting deep eternal assurance of who I truly am. LOVED. That is who I am and who YOU ARE. IN CHRIST. WOW.
With people we can tend to get all needy and codependent and clingy because they will never ever be able to fill the God-shaped hole that is literally an abyss -- a black hole -- if you will-- if we try filling it with anything or anyone but HIM. With Him-- I can run back to Him and be as needy as I want-- and HE ADORES my dependency on Him. I cannot make an idol out of my God. I cannot have an unhealthy obsession or get too clingy. I can literally lean on Him as much as I want because He has an endless supply for me. The more I seek Him the more I will find. What an expansive relationship if we will tap into it-- into Him. And yet-- I know I am daily "prone to wander." So I pray, Oh Lord bind my wandering heart to thee! As one of my favorite hymns goes, "Here's my heart Lord take and seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above!"
When my hope is truly in Him and I am letting Him be my need meeter, my Husband, my Heavenly Father-- as HE IS-- then I can get through all the rest. I mean He truly is the only ONE, at the end of the day, who is and will always be, getting me through this life and into Eternity and beyond. When all fades away, everyone is gone, it is just me and Jesus at the end of my journey on this side of heaven. Without HIM I have nothing and no one and honestly without Him I am nothing and no one. Just me and the Triune God. Our relationship. I cannot bring anything or anyone with me to heaven either so why cling to anything or anyone but Him?! And yet we do... and put false expectations and needs onto others that only He was ever meant to be expected to meet. This time on earth is a beautiful, exquisite, painful, healing, crazy, messy, hard, awe-mazing love-song between us and Him. So let's share it with the world as He called us to... to the ends of the earth.
If you haven't listened to June Hunt...do yourself a favor and be blessed by them
Links to Hope For the Heart's- June Hunt's most recent podcast series below:
The GIFT of FORGIVENESS
What Does it Mean to Forgive
The FREEDOM of Forgiveness
Forgiving When You Don't Feel Like It