tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post6795004126993302693..comments2023-09-17T04:55:11.069-04:00Comments on Not I but Christ: Closeness Through Self-DisclosureMaly from Calihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07719312303776337302noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post-49496896284317658852008-09-16T11:47:00.000-04:002008-09-16T11:47:00.000-04:00In reading your blog entry I felt like I was readi...In reading your blog entry I felt like I was reading a self-disclosure description I would write for myself. I, personally, am eager to get to know people but the amount of information I release about my self is slow and steady. If I feel like I’m being rushed into opening up, I close down and put up walls subconsciously because I, too, have been hurt in the past. You’re right when you say getting to know someone better and them getting to know you better is rewarding but very scary. Again, like you said, once you cross that line there is no going back. Maybe after this class we will learn effective ways of communication so that we no longer close down or put up walls but maybe instead speak our mind and tell the person seeking a deeper relationship that we need more time and a slow and steady pace before we’ll disclose some of the most personal information about ourselves. We shall see…Auntie2-3https://www.blogger.com/profile/02441059920910845123noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post-82222974703768502632008-09-16T01:35:00.000-04:002008-09-16T01:35:00.000-04:00I really liked what you wrote and I like how you t...I really liked what you wrote and I like how you talked about the risk involved in self-disclosure. It definitely feels like a risky thing for me sometimes because I'm not always sure if people will understand me when I open up to them. What I've noticed though, is that most of the time it is beneficial to not be so guarded and to just let people so who I am. I've found that it leads to stronger happier relationships.<BR/>It is definitely easier to keep things on the surface level, but I think in the end it is harmful. It's definitely a temporary thing. But like you said, looking back, it would have been better for you to just be open, especially in the situation with your mom.CGHhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03170453417156802318noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post-90185764100461557322008-09-15T23:39:00.000-04:002008-09-15T23:39:00.000-04:00Cinderella: I think there are a lot of people who ...Cinderella: I think there are a lot of people who avoid being transparent for fear of getting hurt like you described. A lot of people do that in their relationships with their significant others - you often do not want to be left vulnerable and end up in pain. You do not want the other person to know what makes you hurt or be sad because they can do that to intentionally hurt you. It is very hard to determine who to trust and be transparent around. I think that even the people closest to you can use emotional blackmail and take advantage of the fact that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and open up. Even though we don't mean it, it is bound to happen. <BR/><BR/>zjbach - I totally understand what you are saying about being shocked with the openness of Americans. I grew up in traditional Indian culture where you traditionally don't disclose more than you need to. This is in contrast to traditional American culture where we are much more open to discussing almost anything (even related to subjects that are considered taboo in Eastern culture). That was a great comment by you zjbach! It really got me thinking.Rina Sutariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17528839621115147888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post-36176257599172276842008-09-15T23:38:00.000-04:002008-09-15T23:38:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Rina Sutariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17528839621115147888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1742606127352029741.post-26445278725993858272008-09-15T23:18:00.000-04:002008-09-15T23:18:00.000-04:00You indentified a key word, transparency; I had re...You indentified a key word, transparency; I had read it in our book, but did not fully appreciate it until I read your narrative. It is so true and so descriptive. You also said: “once I let my guard down, and let that person in, that line had been crossed, and there was no turning back.” I totally agree with you about the feeling of vulnerability and risks involved. On a related note, I found Sandra Petronio’s Communication Privacy Management Theory practical for personal boundaries. She specifies culture as a privacy rule factor, and describes Americans as open with their feelings. I grew up in a similarly open culture, but I was still shocked with Americans’ openness when I first came to the US. My impressions of “Western people” were stereotyped based on the English whom I had direct experience with and in whose country I had also lived for a short while. The other factors, gender (in general, females disclose more than males), motives (influence of attraction and liking), context, and risk-benefit speak directly to the discussion about boundary setting. Petronio astutely points out that: “We know that revealing exposes us to a certain amount of vulnerability, but so does concealing.” Petronio’s boundary coordination is equally discerning and accessible.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com