One of the many things I love about Matt is that he is honest and authentic. He knows he is not perfect, just forgiven. He doesn't act like he has it "all together" or that things are perfect. He doesn't just put on a smile and act like everything is fine. In his humility and vulnerability, God gets so much glory. He knows that everything IS fine because they are in God's hands, but he is also very aware and honest of the storm around him and sometimes in him. When he speaks to us at leadership meetings, he is the first to share his imperfections, his storms and even quicker to share God's faithfulness and sovereignty amidst it all. This glorifies God all the more as we get to truly see God's strength at work in and through Matt.
So I felt it necessary to write a blog about what is going on-the "storm" so to speak. I was going to just keep it private, but life is about the journey not the destination. I know that God will use this all for good and He will be glorified!!! So I went to my doctor on Monday and they found a lump on my lymph node. She sent me to a surgeon for a biopsy. I went to the surgeon the next day and he found that the lump was benign. I thought that would be the end of it, but this lead him to another red flag. So he is sending me to an endocrinologist on Monday. Now this may sound like a wild goose chase, but it is not. God's sovereignty is written all over this. His sovereignty reigns over everything. His ways are above my ways, so I am not questioning this process. I just know the Truth; He knows what I need and He knows how to meet my needs. Had I not gone to the first Dr. I would not have gone to the next which means I would not have been referred to the Endocrinologist. This is an answered prayer. You see I have not had a period for over three years. I have been to doctor after doctor, test after test...no one could understand why. Never was I referred to an Endo doctor though. I had kinda just given up...not in a hopeless kinda way, but in a surrender kinda way. Just knowing that I had done the footwork and trusting God for the rest. There is only so much I can do. I had taken right action...so I prayed. I've been asking Him for direction concerning this issue. That He would illumine the next step that I needed to take. He is doing for me, what I could not do for myself. I never would have thought to go to an Endo...nor did I even know what that was.
I have actually heard many stories similar to this, that someone had gone to the doctor for one issue and God used that to reveal something hidden/unknown to them...that maybe they never would have looked at or even thought about. He directs and plans each and every step we take...so meticulously. I am seeing God's hand in all of this. I had pushed my flight back for a completely different reason...a funeral. But now I am seeing so many other reasons that the Lord kept me here a little longer. He knew all of this was going to happen and that I would be in a safe place, with my family surrounding me in order to walk through this. The awesome part is that His peace is literally guarding my heart and mind like a soldier. The transcendent PEACE of God which surpasses all understanding. I am not scared, in fact quite the opposite. I am hopeful that He is revealing to me the answer and solution that I have been praying for. The doctor used terms that seem very dramatic to me. "Pituitary Insufficiency leading to Ovarian failure." Sounds so awful, but these are just semantics, terms...I have a God much bigger than all this. No matter the term, He holds every single day, every single breath I breathe in His hands. He is leading me to the answer so that I can take the next right action. I have to get up and walk, be His hands and feet...and then lay the rest at His feet. This will ALL be used for His glory and that's why I have such peace. Either way, I will be that much closer to an answer than I was before and that is an answered prayer! In gratitude and trust I wait. : ) Love you guys!!!!
I want to thank my friends and family for the amazing support, encouragement, love and prayers through all this! I have been feeling the power of your prayers, and your love!!! Thank you for coming alongside me through all of this. YOU are glorifying HIM and being His hands and feet!!!!