Search This Blog


Do you ever feel like you operate in a certain lane very easily and frequently, until you get around certain people or personality types? Say for instance you frequent the "funny and charismatic" lane on the regular; yet intimidation, nerves, awkwardness, and past experience, comes in to warp your vantage point, blind you and suddenly you are bumped off your lane and can't find your way back quickly enough. I believe as Christ followers, and sons and daughters of Almighty God, we operate and run on a "rooted and grounded in HIS love" highway that has permanent signposts on it of AUTHORITY, POWER, PURPOSE, VICTORY, WORTH, GRACE, TRUTH and more. The more we "keep our mind stayed upon Him," Isaiah 26:3 style, the more "perfect peace" we will be living in and from. "Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace."

I started wondering why it is that when I get around someone I admire, someone in authority whom I respect, a group of people I don't know well, or just someone I desire to connect with, that I am on some foreign lane, or highway even, that is not the "me being my fullest self in Christ" lane. It often ends up somewhere around this radio station: "me moonlighting as some kind of awkward, timid, diluted, forced version of myself that lands nowhere near the real me fully expressed." In this foreign lane I tend to not speak up, or I hide, or I try to and then it comes out all wrong, or not loud enough for anyone to hear or just easy enough to be ignored. The enemy has played on this many times, but no more, as I shed His glorious light upon it and let Him lovingly lead me. The flip-side of the awkward, is that I can be with a dear friend, family member, or sometimes even a complete stranger, and be in my lane on cruise control. This is where I am wonderfully free to be the me He created me to be. Which in return helps others feel free to be themselves even more. Hmm, so I ponder why can't I easily find my way back to that designated, etched out power lane with God whenever I want and need to? Especially in sed situations.

There is something about coming from a place of knowing I am truly and deeply loved that wipes out intimidation, and breeds an environment of security, trust and safety where you blossom and grow in your own skin. Sometimes I just know that environment exists within, and with, the person or group I am interacting with. There is an established and trusted history to operate and move fluidly upon. Or there are certain personality types that are so secure in who they are and which lane they are on in Him, that I feel more secure, making it easier for that expression to come out. I want to be one of those people to others and for others. I admire so much when I see a friend of mine being fully herself/himself in a group setting and watching how that blesses others with God's presence and the gifts He carries in them. I am getting to see the amazing person that I know and love in private, arise and shine forth in every environment publicly. It is especially exciting to celebrate a friend who has come out from under a cloak and yoke of hiding, who is now foraging THAT lane, with God, in open fields of grace. I will just watch and observe and thank God for how my friend is blossoming and shining into their new normal, and think to myself, "Yeah! That's my [girl]! WhoooO! Everyone is getting to see how wonderful and multi-faceted [she] truly is." How blessed I feel to be behind the scenes in someones life and then witness both their public and private victories. How much more does God feel this way toward us beloved?? More than we know.

This identity crisis, so to speak, is broken when a heart is bowed and postured before His throne, in His presence and love, at all times. Knowing you belong. Knowing you have been adopted into a family. KNOWING YOU ARE LOVED perfectly by GOD.

Here is the thing, "IN HIM we move, live and have our being."- Acts 17:28. Everything is and will ever be an overflow of His extravagant love for us, in us and through us. That's the firm foundation our lives can live from, He is. Christ the cornerstone, our Rock and solid ground. But if I am still unsure of the goodness of His love, unsure if I can trust Him, unsure of His love for me and His goodness overall, then I must start there and yet always stay there. "If you don't know His love you'll work to earn it, but if you know His love you'll live to display it. If you know His love you'll live and walk in His fullness. To know the love of God is to be filled to the fullness of God that is in Christ Jesus."- Todd White.

My roomie Laura and I were having an incredible conversation this morning about all of this, and God just showed up. I mean He is always, Emmanuel, God with us. But He is just starting to speak even more loudly and clearly to us, or maybe just tuning our ears to hear. All that to say, I couldn't help but grab my pen and journal to write notes on what He was speaking over us, hence the birth of this blog post. There is so much He is unlocking that I've never ever seen before. At retreat this last week, He literally transplanted my eyes for HIS very own eyes to see. I am seeing things like new, like Him. So beautiful! SO thankful! So as we were discussing this deeply, my incredible Laura shared these song lyrics with me (among so many other things she shared and showed me). Listen and read the lyrics below and chew on them for a bit. *Imagine Daddy GOD singing this to you, and over you, beloved. Just let HIM love YOU! SOAK.*

WOW. So when I am feeling like I can't find my way back to my lane, I am going to let Him love me. Let Him remind me who I am. Until that lane becomes the only lane on which I travel for the rest of my days. Abiding. Remaining. In my lane always, in His love. Forever (literally). How lucky that we get to stay there, in that place with Him, living out of that, with Him, into eternity. So I am growing in His love, and the revelation of His love for me is being magnified. It will become my new autopilot to always travel and remain in this lane with Him, not in some rote way, but in a 'new creation normal' way. Heart steadfast, mind stayed and fixed upon Him. (I imagine it like those little trains on the tracks that go round and round and never change lanes). Stay on your lane with God, follow as He leads and know He wants you there with Him, always. He loves YOUR presence.

You are a treasure not to be hidden but to be known and seen, so Your Father can shine through you and be on display for all the world to see and know HIS love for them. Don't beat yourself up if you can't "get there" or stay in and on your lane yet / in certain situations. There is a glorious unfolding happening as you fold into His perfect love; He is disclosing His masterpiece to the world. HE is doing it for you, as you "let Him love you, He will take you there." No one can reduce or discredit your voice. You are not too broken to be heard or to carry greatness. The Truth is YOU CARRY GREATNESS. Oh YES beloved, GREATER IS HE that is IN YOU, than he that is in the world. You see we are just jars of clay, to show that this ALL SURPASSING POWER within us is from GOD not from us. Just keep abiding and folding into His love.

Got to play in the studio today-- Recording-- Dreaming

After a long and amazing week of school ...roomies and I watching Christmas movies :) Oh yeah! We are meant for each other haha! 
 My sweet girl Katie! Cannot express how thankful I am she is in my revival group and God connected our hearts a month before I even moved here or got accepted into school. WOW! And of 1,300 students-- GOD WOULD put us in the same revival group.  He is SO good! Good, good Father!

A kind friend and brother in Christ drew this for me after I had some  of God showing me that I am His rose and His princess.  Literally had several of me as His princess and then that I am a rose of all flowers, like in Beauty and the Beast :) And then that the rose is actually the beautiful ballgown skirt I am twirling around in-- HIS love. So beautiful!

MOM bought and sent me a book-bag for school! :)) LOVE IT! So thankful for how God provides in every little way-- He loves to surprise us with GOOD GIFTS from above-- James 1:17

Pastor Ben's Birthday & My City Service Project

Celebrating my Revival Group Pastor's Birthday (Click link to watch video of us)

I finally picked my top 5 choices (out of about 75 amazing options) for my CITYSERVICE project. As students at Bethel, we get the opportunity to serve the community of Redding and all the surrounding cities -- in hospitals, homeless shelters, retirement homes, rehabs, sex-trafficking cultures and environments, women's shelters, churches, and even just in the local businesses and streets of town and SO much more.  I wanted to do them ALL to be honest!  But I know God knows which one He can best utilize my time, talents and service in each week. I am so excited to see HIM move through us, as we serve with His love, and get to be His hands and feet united together in Christ for the sake of the world.  (my top five choices pictured below) Jesus we trust You!  Place me where you want me, send me where I can be used most by You! You know best Father God :)

Nabeel Qureshi

GOD mightily used Nabeel Qureshi!!! What a pure, beautiful heart for Jesus! 

Twin View - God Stories - Week Two

So at my church service (Twin View campus) last Sunday, The Holy Spirit was showing & reminding me of this very significant memory I had with my earthly father, when I was five years old. He took me to Disneyland a few times-- that was our favorite vacation  So as God illuminated the memory, I remember how little I felt in this HUGE sea of people. I would get bumped and knocked over sometimes as I was walking through with my dad. So he would pick me up and put me on his shoulders. I felt like I was his princess up there, and no one could mess with me. I felt secure, protected and loved on dad's shoulders. He was 6.2" after all so I was pretty high and mighty up there  Then he set me back down to walk alongside him and he told me to put my little hands on my hips, elbows out, so that I would walk like a big, strong, tall girl-- and then people would SEE me and not run me over like I was invisible. So I tried walking around like this for a while but my dad kept noticing I was still getting bumped nonstop-- he watched closer only to see that I was bending and moving my elbows back and forth every-time someone would walk by. He said, "Pumpkin, you gotta keep your arms out real strong, you can do it!" I tried but I kept bending to other's around me. Apparently I thought their needs, and their space, were more important than my own. I thought my little five year self was not worthy to take up the little space I was taking up. So then Holy Spirit showed me how Father God has placed me on His shoulders and I am His princess and no one can mess. That He wants me to walk with authority and own the ground I am standing over, holding my elbows out (figuratively speaking)-- knowing that I am worthy of the space I am occupying. Knowing I am not invisible. That I am seen and known so deeply by Him. It's like I saw Him swoop me up on His shoulders and show me the view, security, safety and perfect love from His vantage point. Lifted high on His shoulders nothing can touch us guys! Then He set me back down and showed me how to walk it out. In His strength and with His presence. As if that wasn't healing enough. I get into worship today (totally getting ROCKED by HIS presence) and then the fourth song in - she starts spontaneously singing, "send your comfort Father. Oh You lift us up on your shoulders, Father- You lift us up on your shoulders. We are safe on Your shoulders"    Doooooooood! Really GOD?!?! AHH! You can imagine the JOY that hit me as I felt SO known and loved, SO intimately by my perfect Father in heaven. There was jumping, dancing, shouting - and a bottle full of tears poured out at His feet. Can't help but share how He is annihilating me with HIS LOVE! I wanna hear some of your awe-mazing testimonies! I know it takes courage to share! For some more than others.  You got this! You are up on Daddy's shoulders!

In other news:  Me and my roomies are silly and I love them :) 


This is my school!

It was an incredible first week at school.  I am overwhelmed by God's goodness, love, mercy, transformative power, PRESENCE, community!  Just finished my first book report and doing my daily Bible readings and starting two new books today.  I can't believe I get to study God's Word and dive into the MORE of HIM for school?!? Homework is fun for the first time in a long time if that makes sense haha!  God is challenging every part of my life -- so are my revival group interns and my pastor and roommates and classmates as they all pull the best out me and don't let me stay stuck in comforts, fears, failures.  Seeing me through God's eyes and reflecting that back to me.  Opening up the expanse of all God is and has.  I love who I am running this race with already and cannot wait to get to know them even more as we continue this wild adventure with Jesus.  I could write a novel of all the miracles and God stories -- He has done SO much in such a short time, I can't even imagine what a couple months, let alone nine months will behold.  I am treasuring it up in my heart and riding the wave of His Holy Spirit as He renews and transforms and sanctifies.  And yes I am journaling as much as I can in between classes, worship, homework and life.  I literally just jot down every and any big and small intimate, beautiful work He is doing in and around me. Awe-struck by our amazing Father.  My roommate and I were looking over missions trips yesterday in between writing and we are SO excited about where God could send us this season and use us!  Prayers and support are SO appreciated!  Love you all so much!
xoxox Thank you SO much!  It means the world to me!

Shout-out to my Grandparents for the care package of toothpaste and tea and toilet paper they sent me to Redding with :) Those things add up so fast when you are a full-time student.  And for help with the incredible mattress as a house-warming gift!  I feel like royalty sleeping on it.  Never had such a nice mattress.  Feeling so blessed and grateful! I LOVE you guys!

This is my school!!! SO humbled, blessed and thankful!

First Day Of School- BETHEL

🔥🔥🔥🔥 Day one feels like Day wonderful thousand and two. God is so expansive, abounding and infinite. So much in such a short time. Utterly transformative already and haven't even been here a week. Cannot even imagine what's going to happen in one year. Buckling up. Free falling. Running spinning jumping into open fields. Twirling and dancing around victoriously in my Father's proud love. Feeling His delight over me as He redefines all I once knew and held to be true about me and what I thought I saw; He gives me His eyes to see in me. Risking it all. Losing it all to find it. No more performing, just being. Letting the weird, wacky, spunky, fun, funky, just flow in the freedom and liberty of the Spirit. Totally safe, absolutely secure. 100% known. Intimately loved. Embraced. Permission to come apart; and boldly step into all He has called me to be. Not invisible, completely seen and heard. So much overflow of His extravagant love - a wellspring gushing out of me like a river of grace. #bssm2017 #benwilsonrg #bssm#dayone #bethel @benwils

Partner With Me In order to go to BSSM I need partners…which means I need you! I would love it if each and every one of you would take some time to pray and ask the Lord if you feel lead to partner with me, and if so, what that would look like. If you do want to partner with me I would love love love to connect with you, whether that be in person, over coffee, FaceTime, Skype or over the phone to be able to share more of what God has put on my heart for vision for the next season and sending me to Bethel's College!   I will need to fundraise a total of $10,000 for my international missions trip with the school and also towards my tuition, books, room and board expenses and passport renewal.  Everyone who donates will receive a personalized 3-5 song cd from me by the end of summer 2018 as a gift and thank you for contributing to my college / ministry education and dream; as well as sowing into God's Kingdom and my mission trip with school to help spread the Gospel!  

Help spread the Word!