Learning how to stand on your own two feet...learning who you are as a person. I totally get why people move away or travel to "find themselves." Sometimes you have to break away from who you were to find out who you are. The new creation that God is creating you to be. It is like the Michelangelo. It was just a big rock, but deep down there was something beautifully exquisite hidden, waiting to be revealed. A masterpiece, a creation. God chips away at the rock with each lesson, trial and experience, cultivating and creating a new creation. Breaking away from all the systems that stunt our growth or the little boxes we fit our lives into. God has something so much bigger in store, He thinks way outside the box. Getting out of your comfort zone is the best catalyst for growth, because it challenges you to press beyond the small systems of your past and to move forward into something bigger, better and new. We were not created or designed to live small lives.
Starting fresh and new with a clean slate is a wonderful way to figure out who I really am. Not what others tell me I am or what I have always been. It challenges me, because I cannot fall back into the comfort of who I was or the relationships that defined me. Now God gets to define me, as I soul search and build new relationships and better patterns of life. It is a crucial time in my life to be independent and rely solely on God. Instead of trying to fit into someone else's way of life, follow their path, make friends with their friends...etc. I get to really figure out my way of life, my path and my friends. It is like that movie "Runaway Bride" where Julia Roberts just keeps running from these commitments, these relationships and not knowing why she is running. Later we find out that she is running from herself, because she does not even know who she is. She has spent so much of her life trying to define herself by the men she is with and how she fits into their lives. She has become a chameleon, able to adapt and become anything or anyone that others want her to be. But everywhere you go, there you are. There is no quick fix, geographical cure or relationship that can make you whole or define you...except your relationship with GOD. Once she really starts asking herself what she likes, what she needs and who she is, the break through happens. She has to stand on her own two feet and not rely on anyone or anything else to tell her who she is. Then comes the self-acceptance and self-love and the ability to love others and finally commit to someone because she has committed to herself for the first time.
Today, I choose to let God complete me. To let His relationships define me. To let Him chip away at the rock and reveal who I am. I don't want to be who _______ wants me to be, or who I can adapt and mold myself to be when I am with ________. Nope, that will never satisfy. I will never be able to commit or stand on my own or even love myself because I won't even know who I am. There is no person's life that I can duplicate, emulate or follow to find peace, but my own. This is a process of growth, one day at a time. It is not a one time deal, I must surrender daily and discover daily. I will never graduate and become WHO I AM. I will never "have arrived" at a certain level or place, it is constant spiritual growth. I graduate at the end of each day, and get to start all over again the next day. I can choose to surrender to fear or surrender to faith. For today, I choose to surrender to faith. Holding on to God's promises and trusting that God knows what I need more than I do. God's promises will always materialize..."sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, they will always materialize if we work for them."